Getting Back Up
by abcfunstuff
Summary: AU-I wish 3x13 knockdown would have continued like this. This is how Kate Beckett gets back up.1st fanfic ever written,have read alot though. Hope u like. I do not own any part of Castle, though there is one part I wouldn't mind borrowing. M is for later.
1. Chapter 1

Beckett climbs into the ambulance, "Hey there, Chuck Norris" Castle laughs which seems to break a little tension as he attempts to re-wrap the bandage on his right hook. She grins and takes over the job and the small talk begins. "How's the hand," she ask. "Excruciating." He replies and adds, "How's Ryan and Espisito?" "Hmm, mild hypothermia, wounded pride . . . guess which one will heal first?" Kate quickly answers with a smirk and castle responds with the same. She tucks the bandage in and smoothes it down with both thumbs as she holds his hand in hers. His eyes never leaving her and she never looking up at him, she lowers their hands to her knee. "Thank you – for having my back in there." "Always," he whispers. The silence last for just a few moments, but felt as though they were frozen in time, until Kate takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it. "I don't want – I don't think -wheeeeeew, I can't go home alone tonight." Still in a whisper, "I know, I've already text Alexis and told her that I wouldn't be home tonight." Without moving her head, she lifted her eyes to him and gave the slightest smile before closing them again in a "thank you" blink. Rick smiled widely and took her by the arm, "let's get out of here."


	2. Chapter 2

The ride to her apartment was like any other ride with these two. Castle re-hashed his Steven Seagal act of heroism, explaining to Beckett how he dove almost "20 feet" in the air with arms outstretched like Superman before tackling Lockwood and knocking him unconscious. He had her laughing and smiling the whole way home. As they entered her apartment, she excused herself to change clothes and told Castle he could look through her DVD's and see if there was something he liked. . . "but no horror flicks or action movies tonight, ok" she added. "yeah, kinda figured that, so I guess comedy or porn, then, huh?" and looked to Beckett with arched eyebrows. Her traditional stare gave him the answer he already knew "Comedy it is then!" And Beckett went into her room.

She entered with sweats and a tank on carrying something in her hand but before she could speak, Castle blurted out, "ok, its not really a comedy, but its one of my favorites." She intriguingly looked at him with one eyebrow raised and commented "I know there is no porn over there so please enlighten me on your favorite." "Grease!" castle proclaimed, "it's a . . . classic, (and he began to babble) it is comedic, but I think technically it would be classified as a musical" he pauses, "what?" Beckett squinted at him with a smirk and slightly shook her head, "you never cease to amaze me, with all the DVDs I have, Grease, would have been one of the last ones, I would have imagined you would have picked." "You don't like it?" he asked "it is Your DVD, so I thought it must be one you liked, but we can watch. . ." She interrupted, "You're right, I don't like it, I LOVE it! Absolutely, one of my top 5 favorites, I actually played Sandy in a high school play." "No Way!" Castle shouted in an overly enthusiastic voice, "I played Danny!" "You're makin' that up" said Beckett. "I'll have you know, if I weren't injured" – holding up his hand, "I would show you some moves, but, If you want to re-in-act a couple of scenes for me, I could watch you, even on the injured list," he said. And there it was, her famous eye-roll, "let's just watch the professionals, hit play" Just as he reached for the remote, she said, "Oh, I almost forgot, here is a t-shirt, if you want, it's probably more comfortable than your button down." And she held it out toward him. "I would rather not wear motorcycle boy's cloths, thanks" he said with a certain yammer to his voice. "It doesn't belong to, Um, JOSH" she said, over stressing his name in correction to Castle, "it is actually, your shirt. You let me borrow it last year when I didn't have an apartment, I, uh, just never got it back to you." "Why detective Beckett, are you a thief?" Castle teased. "No, I didn't know there was a statute of time on the loan, and it is a really soft T, so I knew I would get it back to you eventually, and here it is, you have it. Now, are you gonna put it on or not?" She hastily remarked to divert his attention before she divulged the true reason she had 'stolen' it and kept it all these months. She pointed toward to the back of her apartment to gesture toward the bathroom and he nodded as he said, "I'll just be a minute." She remembered how she had slipped it in to her bag after wearing it and realizing it was engulfed in his scent and then when he went away for the summer, she would sleep in it to be near him and wrap herself up in it wishing he was with her. When he returned so quickly, she was startled from her thoughts and there he was, standing in front of her, him, in that very shirt. With all the memories of the summer nights without him, though she had never felt this, she knew this must be a "full circle" moment and she was speechless.


	3. Chapter 3

"Shall we" he said as he sat at the opposite end of her couch, propped his feet up and mashed play. The movie started, and barely after the first scene, Castle was snoring away. Kate looked at him and shook her head. She began to think about him, his t-shirt hugging his muscular chest, she couldn't help to grin to herself. Should have known you couldn't stay awake for this, you had a busy day -saving my life and all; protecting me, _kissing me_, holding me up, _kissing me_, fighting for me, _kissing me_ . . . she had pushed that kiss to the back of her brain so they could do her job and take care of her boys, but now, now that she allowed herself to think of it, it overwhelmed her senses. She could see the look of desperation, determination, and desire in his eyes, hear the sounds of their lips smacking and her moan that she just could not control, she could taste his mouth, almost the exact flavor that she had imagined many times but her imagination was never this sweet. She could smell his scent, not just the smell of his high priced cologne he wore, but Rick Castle had a sensual smell that was just him and it drove her crazy! She often wondered if she was the only one that was affected by this secret weapon, she concluded that others could smell this too (since so many women swooned over him), definitely a secret weapon, but not his only ammunition. But most of all, the feeling, she could feel him; she could feel the aggressiveness of him grabbing her hand away from her gun, running his hand under her hair sternly to get her attention and then, then the feel of his soft lips on hers - the feeling of his hand running over her back and pulling her closer - the feel of need as their lips separated, and want as she crushed her lips back to his - the sensation of warmth that she felt as that kiss deepened and the indescribable feeling within her that caused that moan to escape, just before the feel of his bottom lip between her teeth and their arms wrapping each other up as their bodies pressed against each other. She could feel the texture of his hair under her hand and in between each finger as she pulled his mouth closer to hers and then, the sinking feeling she felt as her wits returned to her and she knew she had to pull away in order save her colleagues, her friends, her boys. Lastly, was the feeling of excitement as she heard him say "that was amazing" and the disappointment that settled with the words that followed. Wow, she thought, whether he thought it was amazing or not, she knew, that the word amazing paled in comparison to what that kiss meant to her. The rest of the night's events carried through her thoughts until finally the word, always, made its appearance in her brain. Just like you said, "Always," you are always there when I need you, Rick Castle. Richard 'Alexander' Rodgers, Penny was right, you are very important to me, and you have saved my life, more times than once. Seeing Castle so peaceful in his slumber, Kate decided to go to bed, too. She grabbed a blanket and covered him up then crawled onto her bed herself, hoping serenity finds her in the silence of this night.


	4. Chapter 4

The silence was there in a big way, eerily. Even the outside world of New York Streets were more silent than she had ever remembered. As she lies in bed trying to clear her mind, she knows what tomorrow brings - going to see Lockwood, and begins to think how she can handle it, she will stay calm, she has to, unlike her loss of control with Vulcan Simmons. Then she hears the words he said, even though she knows it was a bait to upset her, it still cuts through her. Hearing these horrible things that he said about her mother, she can hear her own heart beating, she concentrates on that sound, hoping to drown out the thoughts that race her mind.

As she thinks she's about to succumb to rest, the tears begin to roll down her cheeks. Where did these come from, she had been so strong. Why now are the tears betraying her strength, and before she can process any more thoughts, she hears something, sobs, and realizes these sounds are coming from her. What is happening to me? She wipes her eyes and tries to control the sobs but with no attainment. If I can't control myself now, how will I be able to do it tomorrow in front of that monster. How can I contain myself in front of that man, he tried to kill me, he tortured my boys, he would have killed them too… And her breathing is rapid almost erratic and then a breeze of calm brushes her thoughts as she sees Castle on top of him and then she hears his voice, but not in her mind, his voice is there, it is real. He had heard the sobs, they were barely over a whisper, she had muffled them into her pillow, but somehow he heard them, or from the look on his face, maybe he felt her pain. It didn't matter, he was there.

He's at the door, "Bec – Kate, are you alright?" She doesn't answer him, she can't get the words to come out through the sobs. He kneels at her bed, he wipes her tears and repeats his question. Still, no answer. "Kate, please, tell me what I can do," he pleads, "I can't see you like this, I want to help." She opens her mouth, but the words still won't release, so she turns over away from him. He asks her if she wants him to go, that is the last thing she wants from him, but she nods, yes. Taken aback by her response, maybe a little hurt, but he doesn't go. Instead, he tells her she's stuck with him. "I'm your partner, remember? And a partner never leaves. So instead I'm gonna be here, right here, with you, all night." And Rick eases onto the bed beside her. As she felt the heat from his body, the sobs lessen, the tears were still flowing, but she could feel a sense of control returning to her. She opened her mouth to say thank you but she didn't have as much control as she thought because the words that left her lips were not thank you, but "Hold me?"

Rick turns to his left side and wraps his right arm around her, pulling her close to him. He takes a moment and breathes in the smell of cherries that has come to be known in his mind as Kate Beckett. He can't believe he is holding her right now and she asked him to. He's dreamed of this, never has it been with her crying, but he is holding her none the less. . . And it feels so right. Her sobs have stopped, she feels safe in his arms. They lie there motionless, voiceless; each savoring the embrace. Kate breaks the quietude of the night by asking Castle, "How is your hand?" He casually remarks, "hurts like hell." She giggles at his lackadaisical answer and brings his hand to her lips and tenderly kisses it. (oh my Gosh! She thinks, did I just do that?) and she lowers his hand from her lips tight against her chest. Castle remains voiceless, actually, he's more speechless. He truly is at a lack of words, a writer without words is like a musician without his instrument. He searches his mind but nothing and to his relief Beckett speaks again, "Castle?" "Uhh, yeah" he says. "I asked you a question today and you gave me answer, but I need to know more, I need an honest answer."

"Uhh, ok, you know you can ask me anything, so what is it?" he skeptically responds. "I asked you why you keep coming back, but" "I told you" Castle interrupted, "I'm your partner." "But Rick, (there it comes again, his first name) why? You could have been killed," and he interrupted again. "But I wasn't" "No" she retorts, "instead you saved my life and, also, Ryan and Esposito. You can't keep taking risk like this. I don't know what I would do if I let something happen to you. You would really put Alexis and Martha through _that_ for your books?" Castle paused before speaking, "Kate, are you sure you want honesty?" "Wow, that's kind of a loaded question, Castle." She whispers, "I guess it all really depends on your answer . . .but I need it, I need to know why, why you want to be my partner. You don't have to do this anymore, we could send over copies of interesting cases, you could even come in someti…" and he interrupted her again, this time bringing his hand back to her lips to quiet her and then slides it down to her chin. "It's not about the books, anymore, Kate." "Then what, Rick?" Again, in a whisper, but this time, you can also hear a whimper to her voice. Castle closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and then he whispers "Kate, you know the answer." "Do I?" she breaths. "Isn't it obvious?" he mutters. "I don't know, Rick, I need to hear it, I need to know the reason." She says in exasperation.

Rick pleads, "Kate, once I say it, I can't, I won't, take it back." Kate once again lifts Ricks hand to her mouth, she holds it there for a moment longer than she had anticipated, planting another soft kiss to it, then, with closed eyes, she caresses her jawline with it and returns it to her lips again before taking in a slow breath. "What if you say it, and I don't want you to take it back, have you ever thought about that Castle?" Her voice solicits. He mirrors her words, "have I thought about it, have I thought about it, God Kate! It consumes me!" His words escalates, and then he pauses, lowers his voice and continues, "but you're with Josh and I don't want to put you in that position . . . no, you want me to be honest. Honestly, I don't want to put myself in that position." And he turned Kate Beckett over on her back. For the first time since he came to her bed, they're looking eye to eye. The room is dark, but there is enough light coming from the window and tv, to see the sincerity in his eyes. "Kate, I have to be near you and if the only way to do that is by being your partner, plucky sidekick, or whatever you want to call it, then, that is what I will do. Its hard to be there and watch you with him, but it would be even harder to not be a part of your life, to not see you at all."

With that said, Kate reached up and delicately touched his face, placing the palm of her hand to his cheek. She stared into his eyes and saw the answer to her question. She saw the love and affection that he had for her, even Rick Castle himself couldn't have written the words more precise than the story his eyes told her. She slowly slid her hand to his neck and pulled him to her placing small faint kisses to his luscious lips. These kisses were so light and so tender, but at the same time there was more passion behind them than he had ever felt in his life. It only took moments for Rick to join in these sweet kisses, and pour his own passion into them. He had wanted to kiss Kate like this since the first time they had worked together. These small kisses began to deepen like the kiss in the alley and before he could think straight, she was biting down on his bottom lip again. That exhilarating rush of pain snapped him back into reality and he pulled his mouth away from her, his lips still tingling, he reached up and touched them.

His breath too ragged to speak clearly, but Kate was able to ask "What's wrong?" Rick, shaking his head, told her "I can't do this." Inquisitively, Kate responds, "I don't understand, you just told me you wanted to be with me, but what, you don't want to kiss me?" He took a deep breath and sat up, "Kate, don't you get it? I never said I don't want to. You can't imagine how bad I want to kiss you, but not just right now. If I continue kissing you, I won't be able to stop, I want to make love to you. I love you, Kate, I need to be with you because like I said before, you consume my thoughts. But- " "But" Kate jumps in, "I knew this was too good, there had to be a but" Rick stopped her.

"Kate, listen, please. I can't do this tonight when you're so vulnerable and take advantage of that and go back to - plucky sidekick – tomorrow. I want, I have wanted, for so long, to be so much more for you. You know I would do anything for you, well, almost anything…cause, that is the only thing I can't do. I will lie here beside you all night, every night, if you want and hold you, I will stand guard at your door for you, I will put myself in front of a bullet for you…anything, except this one thing. I can not have you and pour my love into you tonight, only to go back tomorrow. My heart cannot take that. I think of the poem _In Memoriam 27_ from Alfred Lord Tennyson, '_Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.'_ Well, in this situation, Mr. Tennyson, has it all wrong. He couldn't have known the extraordinary KB that I know, cause to love you and lose you. . . would be unbearable. I cannot do it, Kate."

"Rick, I don't know what to say," As he stood to walk away, head down, shoulders slumped, he responded, "you don't have to say anything, but I'm glad I told you," and as he turned, she grabbed his arm. "How dare you, how dare you spill your feelings out like that and what? Just get up to walk away, without even giving me a chance to tell you how I feel?" "Look, Beckett, I know you may have a little attraction for me, but I'm the easy way to get through your problem right now, but in the long run, you're with Josh. I don't want to be a stand in until the real thing comes back." "Ha!" Kate laughed, "You know I told you Josh was in Africa?" "Well, what I didn't tell you, was that we broke up before he left. A N D, what I am finding so amusing, is that he said the same thing to me about you when we broke it off." Josh said "it was hard enough playing seconds to You while here in New York, but that he could not be in another country across the world (saving lives and all-Kate flippantly added that comment in) knowing that the woman he loves," and she takes a big deep breath and lowers her voice and her head, then barely above a whisper "is only with him because she's too afraid to go for it with the man she really loves." Kate raises her eyes to Castle, not sure if he could actually hear what she said, but seeing his face, she knows he did.


	5. Chapter 5

They stare at each other, neither moving, except for the slow heaving of their chests. Rick breaks the silence this time, and again with only a whisper, only a lull. He insisted, "Was he right, Kate, is it true?" Kate stands up on the bed, now towering over him; she looks down at him, cups his face in her hands and gives him the answer he had been longing for. "Yes, Richard Castle, it's true. I Love You." Rick wraps his arms around her legs, just under her bottom "You love me? You, Kate Beckett, love me, Castle?" She smiles and throws her head back, laughing out the words, "Yes, yes, God help me, but yes, I love you." He lifts her off the bed and spins her around, then lowers her to standing.

He peers into her eyes and leans down to her lips. He inhales them to his own, holding nothing back this time. This is no ploy to trick a bad guy, no kiss of sympathy; it's not a kiss to get her through the night. This is a kiss of a lifetime. This kiss is an expression of everything he feels for her, and she feels it! Kate Beckett has never been kissed like this, so much passion, excitement, heat – but at the same time, warmth, affection . . . l o v e. He backs her up against the edge of the bed, lays her back ever so lightly, never removing his mouth from hers. He continued to kiss her, nipping at her bottom lip, this time and soft moans roll from deep inside of her. She opens her mouth to invite his tongue in, but Rick wants to revel in this moment. He wants to enjoy each part of this night and instead of allowing his tongue to dance with hers he begins to use it to outline her lips. She gasp when his lips pull back to extend his tongue, but she doesn't complain. This is so sensual. He's lying over her with just enough body weight on her to keep her still. His hands only caressing her face and hair, but she is getting so aroused. Her hips begin to writhe as much as possible under his weight. Her mouth remains open and panting. The tip of his tongue, circling her lips, leaves the corner of her mouth moving slowly toward her ear. Kate Beckett can no longer wait. She firmly grabs his face and her tongue delves into his mouth finally touching his tongue. The release she feels when their tongues begin to dual is exhilarating. She is so hot now. Rick may want to take it slow, but Kate thinks to herself that she has been waiting a long time for this moment, at least since Memorial Day Weekend and the almost Hamptons trip, and her hands swiftly begin to travel up and down his back but still tasting his mouth. She breaks from his mouth and travels her kisses across his jaw line sucking and nipping at his skin until she reaches his earlobe in which she slowly pulls it into her mouth allowing her teeth to lightly grind against it. Rick shivers under her mouth and she huskily tells him that he's allowed to touch her, and that she wants him to, touch her. Then corrects herself, **Needs** him to touch her.

Just the sound of her voice in his ear was sending him chills but for her to tell him she wants him, she Needs him; his mind becomes cloudy. Rick tells her, "this is our first real kiss and I want to savor this. As we make love, I want to remember every inch of you." Kate informs him that she wants that too, but that she doesn't plan on this being a one-time occurrence and that he will have many opportunities to refresh his memory with her and then smiles seductively at him as she places his uninjured hand under her shirt. That was the only encouragement Rick needed. He pulled her shirt over her head and slid his hand up to cup her breast and began kneading it while sucking feathery at her neck and pulse point. His thumb began to circle her nipple as it hardened into a perfect peak. Her moans sounded like a melody to his ears. He continued to kiss down her chest until he reached this peak and pulled it into his mouth and then running over it with just the tip of his tongue. He pulled it back into his mouth nipping it with his teeth a few times and then mimicking the same actions with the other breast. He slid his hand down to her core and felt the intensity of her arousal for him. She gasped at his touch. He slowly entered his fingers into her wetness and entertained her more sensitive area with his thumb. Kate was moving with him and her orgasm overtook her body. Rick rose over her and began kissing her neck again before she pulled him into another passionate kiss. She took his shirt off and lowered her hands to his pants, kissing and licking his chest. He helped her remove his pants and positioned himself over her. She reached down and stroked his length, both of their breaths hitching at that moment evoking a snicker right in the middle of the intense fire that was burning in them. Rick looked at her and jokingly asked, "You mean I get to drive, this time?" Knowing the double meaning, she brazenly told him that he appeared to have the key. With that, he smiled, leaned back to her lips, took them into his and entered her in one slow tantalizing movement. Both of them moaned in pleasure upon that contact. They soon fell into an erotic dance of movement, melodic tunes of moans and hums, steamy kisses in between labored breaths of each other's names until finally Kate's breathing became faster and harder and Rick felt her contract and constrict around him, sending him into bliss, himself.

They lie almost lifeless, Rick draped across one side of Kate continually applying feather-like kisses to her cheek and neck until their breath returned to normal. Kate turned to Rick and looked at him intently. "I can't believe I just made love to Richard 'freakin' Castle!" They both broke into laughter, and then he shook his head. "I can't believe I just made love to the beautiful, extraordinary Katherine Beckett. I'm definitely the one who should be in awe." She placed her lips to his and then stared into his deep blue eyes. There were so many things going through her head, but when Rick asked, "What?" All Kate could do is smile and repeat his earlier words, "That was amazing!"

,


End file.
